Oct 22,23/08

Yup, blogging early in the AM for me. Might as well get this over with as the past two days have me off the wagon and watching it speed away. Sigh. I said I wouldn't berate myself or diet in the traditional sense, but you know a lifestyle change is still a change and not exactly an easy one. I've been thinking lately about the "pressure to be thin.” You know that stuff you read about in the paper or see in the media about how girls have all of this pressure to be thin to look like Lindsay Lohan or whatever. Well, just because you are an assured, confidant “woman” doesn’t mean that pressure goes away. It just changes.

Now, the pressure for me is to be healthy so that I can keep up with my kid. To have an active lifestyle to set an example for my kid. To eat well so that my kid learns good eating habits. That kind of pressure sucks because no amount of growing up can change it. I remember a woman I used to work with who didn’t have a problem with her weight or anything, but ate a lot of crap and loved the chocolate and chips. She used to hide in her kitchen and sneak stuff so that her kids didn’t see her. But they knew. They’d call out and ask her if she was eating chocolate in the kitchen and she quickly hide the evidence and deny. She’d let her kid have treats, but she didn’t control her own intake like she did theirs.

On the flip side, I remember a family I used to know whose kids would beg for fruit after dinner as that was always their desert. Not bad, not bad at all. We don’t deny our child cookies or ice cream from time to time, but most nights he has yogurt for desert. Of course most nights he eats grilled cheese or hotdogs for dinner, but I digress.

I guess the point is that I’m not going to change overnight. If I keep going to Curves that is a huge step in the right direction. The food stuff will sort itself out or it won’t, but it is not like I ever ate McDonald’s 3x a day or anything (even when I worked there).

Oct 22:
B: ½ grapefruit, oatmeal, coffee
L: Butter chicken and brown rice from ESBM
S: Other ½ of my chocolate bar and yogurt
D: ¼ chicken white meat and fries with Chalet sauce from Swiss Chalet, my kid ate the bun. Swiss Chalet is like fast food porn for me. I could likely eat it every other day for a long time. I love the Chalet sauce. I love the fries; I’ve even learned to love the new bun although I still miss the old hamburger bun. The only sadness is that they changed their Caesar salad dressing so that delight is no longer the same.
H2O: About a litre or a bit more
Ex: Nothing

Oct 23:
B: ½ grapefruit
Ex: Curves circuit 30 minutes
2nd B: Homemade pumpkin and nut spice muffin (thanks mum!), coffee
L: Salad with balsamic dressing and 3 ryevita’s with cream cheese
S: Yogurt and apple
(see, I’m on fire so far here!)
D: Chicken Chili – I put cheese and sour cream on it… I have to admit.
Now, things keep tumbling:
S: 2 beers and 2 small bags of Walkers chips (crisps) brought home from Scotland. One was plain but the other was the delightful cheese and onion flavour that only the Brits get right. God, I love them more than salt and vinegar I think. The only draw back is that you have the aftertaste for the entire next day.
H2O: Over 1L

Writing it all out, it doesn't actually seem that bad anymore. Only the scale will tell me for sure.